Here is my story...
Many years ago on the 29th August, I married the man who was my world !
Amazingly, out of all the girls who ran continuously after him – this man had chosen me … so in my life there was to be a happy ever after. I remember thinking on our wedding day, that as I was a year older than R, I would die before him and so would never had to live without him - Thinking back, I was so naïve – we went out such a lot for R loved “ action “ he was bored at home !
He loves to be the centre of everything, and the little mouse that was me never ever answered back .. why this husband of mine was fantastic – perfect – we used to fight a lot over my jealousy because he was always with other women – charming and so good looking – I had a hard time coping and secretly … I don’t think that I ever really managed to cope with him.
N was born three years after our marriage and my life changed … R’s life – not a chance – he was still running comrades marathons, playing competition squash, duzi river marathons and if ever anyone was short of a squash partner – he was there ! And so were the girls ! The little mouse fell pregnant two years later with our second little angel and this wonderful husband went to war in Angola – the first of the married men to be called up to fight for their country – I went back to work – a travel agency who had long wanted my services … hey I even had to learn to speak Afrikaans again having lost it all whilst working in Johannesburg ( used to work for a company called G of L ) dropped off every day by bus at Kf’s corner and walked the 12 blocks down to WORK and walked the 12 blocks back each afternoon in the rains we used to get in those days – groceries in packets in both hands – and the bus driver and passengers - hey we all knew each other .. but R, well he used the car for after all that is what husbands did!
N went to Nursery school and every afternoon I fetched her and took her to her nanny at home to spend time with the friends living in the area until I got home .. and this precious daughter and I had “ our own time “ – Easter time our soldier returned – a different man with many secrets in his life – N did not know her father and did not want to know him, and in May my other little angel was born .. and so life continued for me, raising two beautiful girls, running a home and cleaning for that is something I have always enjoyed – cleanses the soul I think – and the overseas trips for the man became more and more frequent – afterall my man was progressing in the business world – studying too, and then with everything on his plate got his degree and then simply continued with life .. thinking back now I carried the full load of everything – responsibility – sex life non existent for as I was told – on many many occasions, more than I care to remember … I was frigid ! and so I learnt to believe that I was ( funny how you become convinced that you are not worthy to be … just by someone telling you small things – hey I could not even get an instant meal for my husband – for to find out that it was not home cooked – it was in inability on my part … for all the other wives did this and the meal was simply thrown away … but now and again a little rebellion still left – an instant meal cooked, and put into a “house hold “ dish and the instant meal packet thrown away in the outside bin … and we were none the wiser
And so life continued until a dinNenr paRty at my best friends house – there ws other guests and amongst them Ne to whom I took an instand dislike … perhaps because she hd no time or me and spent the tntire eening talking to my charming husband … or perhaps because this girl, after meeting me for the first time, told J ( my best friend in the whole world … who told me .. not to cause mayhem in my life .. but because she truly cares ) that she had never come across such a little brown mouse and I wold loose this husband ) .. how true was that … over the years my life was my children, my work and m home, ballet classes, music lessons, children parties – hey I recall a time when we were at a ballet concert and my car wouldn’t start – I was at this stage driving a small datsun whilst the man drove his big car – and I could not get the car to start – late at night – it took a huge boere seun to push the car to get in finally started – next morning God’s assistant as I came to call R saw the huge dent boere seun had made in the side door as he help me … never said a word but pushed the dent out from the inside of the car … and then .. came the day I had to go into hospital for my hysterectomy – scared but thrilled because after this my life would change – no more period pains, no more drama – no more fear of more babies and my husband, why he would love me again and life would be great – yeah right !
Monday out of hospital and out to dinner with my husband – me to celebrate – hell the last thing I actually felt like was going out – but hey a new start … yeah, R to tell me he wanted a divorce to marry Ju, the love of his life who he had met on the Swiss ski slopes – understand that this business man of mine travelled extensively and after many winter trips – always had to fit in a week’s ski-ing before coming home – was his mother thrilled at the news – oh yes – for now her favourite son could marry into the right class !
I remember my Mom coming to the house every afternoon on her way back from work to take me shopping for whatever – I was numb … and I remember going on holiday with the two girls and my Mom – she said my eyes were wild the whole time and I could not talk – I remember too R saying – not to tell anyone at this time – we would do things quietly – how blind is that …. Now I see just how he played with my emotions – no wonder I was such a wreck … he moved out and moved back the next day – and I took him back – then he moved out after two weeks – and I sold the house ….. bought a town house near the school and this made life easier for me – not so far to travel to and from work with the girls … and I remember too sitting outside after they had gone to bed, wondering what would happen with me …. What was left but as my cousin told me the other day – six months ago – wish that I had known her before … that I was in survival mode … how wise is that and from then on … and with SJ’s help I am making a difference to me !!